Arizona to Pennsylvania to Georgia. Remember them? They were battleground states. Dolan wants reviews, audits and forensics on voting machines.
Look what happened in Arizona the other day, that remote desert state where the Canyon is Grand, the motto Ditat Deus (god enriches), and voting machines suspect. Today, it a place of election pilgrimage. Republicans are pitched against Republicans — actually it’s the Bhailog vs Old Fogies — and voting machines against genius hackers.
Everyone wants to know if Dolan-bhai lost the 2020 election because of hanky-panky in Maricopa County.
Did the Chinese dump 40,000 ballots in Arizona to tilt things Joe Biden’s way? Not to worry, the hard-working folks at Cyber Ninjas are testing the ballots for bamboo fibres to see if it was a Made-in-China operation as things mostly are these days. The audit — or ‘fraudit’ as some renegades call it — will get to the bottom of this lab. It’s high noon in Arizona.
Doesn’t matter if the whole thing has gone down a rabbit hole and no one really remembers how the circus began, and before long the pro-Bhai One America News network — Fox is out of favour — was calling for the execution of Americans involved in the ‘coup’ against The Dolan.
Basic facts go thus: Bhai’s supporters demanded a review in Maricopa County, and Arizona’s Republican-controlled state senate obliged. More than 2 million ballots were subpoenaed and 400 voting machines seized.
No matter that two previous audits hadn’t fished out anything. They were regular audits, not forensic, screamed the bhailog. Only forensics reveal errors and fraud — it takes an autopsy to find the cause of death.
Except the forensics were done by Cyber Ninjas, a company whose CEO already believes the 2020 election was rigged against Trump. Incidentally, he also thinks aliens were behind the 9/11 attacks. Just ask Google about Doug Logan and learn. When not plugging conspiracy theories and ninjaing sweetheart contracts his own way, Logan makes movies. His lone blockbuster is something called The Deep Rig about — you guessed it — the ‘rigged election’. It’s natural the $150,000 contract to dissect voting machines should have gone to Logan.
But Cyber Ninjas may end up costing Maricopa millions of dollars more for this very Trumpian adventure. Now that those unfortunate voting machines have been touched by a private contractor, they are deemed compromised. Arizona’s chief election officer Katie Hobbs, a Democrat, said she would decertify the machines if they were not decommissioned. She is running for governor. Meanwhile, the federal department of justice located in a galaxy far, far away in Washington began to get worried because so many Republican legislators from other states were making a beeline to Arizona to check out the audit —the live stream wasn’t enough. If they could rinse and repeat Arizona in their home states and bring on the full crazy, Dolan-bhai would be so happy.
But the country’s attorney general, appointed by Biden, warned them not to catch the Arizona fever, or he would take action. Arizona attorney general Mark Brnovich told America’s AG to butt out. A federal intervention is an ‘alarming disdain for state sovereignty,’ he shouted. Brnovich is running for US Senate and needs Dolan-bhai’s support to win the seat.
State-level tandav in America is another league altogether. You can disappear journalists or voting machines, purge bureaucrats or electoral rolls, wear MAGA hats or saffron robes and keep pushing the envelope.
Dolan likes to operate in second-tier realms where it’s always summertime and the livin’ is easy. It’s easier to run a government-in-exile from Mar-a-Lago in sunny Florida and plot a return.